I am alone in this battle. I can’t share with friends or family out of shame and fear and, for those in my immediate circle, the immensity of this wrong is not appreciated. I am a mother, being pushed to the limits of her sanity and overwhelmed with such heavy sorrow. Every way I look is darkly clouded and the light of hope growing so dim, that I feel trapped in a parallel universe cut off from reality.
I am made to feel like I need to be locked up in a white room, that it is me who is mad. That somehow I have just lost my senses and that the whole world is fine! That I’m just not accepting of everyone’s subjective reality, because I am hateful lunatic. Facts seem to fly in the face of everyone around me, the Truth is now nothing but an old construct fading away into distant memory, created only to oppress and destroy. And for me to hold onto this, is apparently a telling of my oppressive and unprogressive true nature.
. . . I have to find strength from somewhere to keep going. I have to be strong for my other two kids. I have to be there for my suffering child to help her through this, to lead her out of this, to be here when it’s all over. And so this is when I look up, to the Only One who is good. The Only Truth I have known of late that hasn’t been dispelled. And the Only One who loves more than we do and has given us a way back to peace and joy. I look to the One who was pierced and say “Your Will not mine!” and I surrender my child to Him and say “This too is YOUR child, do what You will and give me the wisdom and strength to endure this trial”. This is when I open the Psalms and see the trials David went though, during his most difficult days and yet turned to Him and was filled with Hope once more and it fills me too with hope. This is when God Himself picks me up from the floor and says “Stand Up! You are Not alone! I Am here with you!” And this is when the moments of hope begin and God, I believe You are True. I believe You hate this evil more than we do. I believe this serves a purpose to bring about Your justice! May your Will be done and may Your justice be swift. And may You protect Your children and bring them back to the Truth!
So, in one of my rare and hopeful moments, I say this…
The Truth WILL come out in the end.
Love Refuses To Affirm Confusion